Posts Tagged ‘Smartass’

Super Steve

Aug 05 2010

I’m convinced that my wife thinks I have super powers.

I’m not talking about normal stuff like opening jars, changing a flat tire or reading maps.  I’m talking about my superhuman ability to deal with spiders and other insects without fear of attack, injury or death.

“Steve, STEEEEEVE!!!  Come here.  Quick!  See that there… it’s a spider.  GET it!!!”

Seriously.  She’s not just squeamish about the little critters, or just gets the heebie-jeebies when one touches her.    When a spider is anywhere near, my sweetheart’s reaction is one of genuine fear.  She jumps up from where she is, stops what she’s doing, and can focus on nothing else until the beast has been broken and his lifeless corpse is flushed out to sea.

But why would she be soooo afraid, but have no issues whatsoever sending me into the monster’s den armed with nothing but a half sheet of paper towel?  It’s not that she doesn’t love me.  And it’s not that she cares so much for her own safety that she is willing to put mine at risk.  For some reason, she believes… truly believes that the 6 or 8 legged ogre that has set up shop in the corner of the gazebo can bring harm to her, but not me.

So, when the occasional earwig, beetle, or God forbid, bumble bee invades our living space, I swoop in, cool and confident, “Stand back for your own safety, Ma’am.  I’ll take care of this.”

 
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Posted by Steve at 6:34 pm

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The Coolest Tuna Casserole Ever

Apr 19 2010

Some conversations start out innocently but then, if you are really listening, they catch you by surprise…

My wife called me at work late this afternoon.  “What are you doing?” she asked.  Turning on the charm, I replied, “Talking on the phone with the coolest person I’ve ever met.  What are you doing?”  “Making a tuna casserole.”

Now, I wasn’t really fishing for a compliment.  Thank God the casserole was delicious, or else I just might have been insulted.

 
1 Comment

Posted by Steve at 11:25 pm

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Universal Laws of Nature

Feb 05 2010

HOW TO TELL THE SEX OF A BIRD

This Is AMAZING!!!   Until now I never fully understood how to tell the difference between male and female birds. I always thought it had to be determined surgically.  Until now.

See the picture of an ordinary seagull to the left.  Can you tell if it’s a male or a female?  I don’t think so.  However, when you see two seagulls together, one male and one female, it becomes a little easier to tell the difference.

Below is a link to a picture of two birds.  Study them closely…See if you can spot which of the two is female.   It can be done. Even by one with limited bird watching skills.

Click this link to the picture.

Thanks Gerry!

 
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Posted by Steve at 6:19 pm

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Moncton’s Château à Pape Destroyed by Fire

Jan 31 2010

This past Saturday, in the wee hours of a freezing winter’s night, a Moncton landmark, Le Château à Pape Restaurant was destroyed by fire. The building was one of the oldest in the city.

YouTube Preview Image

Last Tuesday, my wife and I had dinner at Le Château à Pape with the city manager, Jacques Dube, and his wife, Nancy. We don’t regularly rub elbows with the city’s senior staff members, but my wife bought some tickets at work in support for charity and won the top prize. They were charming, down-to-earth people and the food was great. We had a genuinely nice time. In the days leading up to our night out, we got increasingly anxious about what the heck we would talk about. I mean, this was the city manager and his wife, both of whom we had never met, and we were about to sit in a fancy restaurant with them for 3+ hours. While I resisted the urge to start the conversation with “So… how about them roads?”, at one point I did make a comment which, in retrospect, seems a little eerie. Mr. Dube had removed a lamp from the centre of the table and placed in on the floor. It was tall and was blocking the view for each of us looking directly across at each other. As he went to lay it on the floor, he realized that it wasn’t an electrical appliance, it was a lit candle. I made a joke something like, “Ha! That was close! This building has been here for more than a hundred years and one dinner with the city manager and the place burns to the ground.” Hardy-har-har!

Little did we know that three evenings later…

 
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Posted by Steve at 10:04 pm

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Good Egg, Bad Yolk

Dec 31 2009

The other day my eighteen year old son decided he would make some bacon and eggs for himself. He is not the most seasoned chef in the world so I kinda hovered around and tossed him a little guidance now and then.

Cook the bacon first, that way you’ll have the bacon fat to cook the eggs in. Besides that, the bacon will keep for the minute it takes the egg to cook. Don’t put the burner up so high. You’ll burn the bacon and the grease. Crack the egg on the side of the pan. No, don’t open the egg up so far from the pan; you’ll break the yolk and splash bacon grease all over. Blah blah nag nag.

When he was done, he sat down and declared, “Boy, I sure do make some tasty bacon!” I said, “Hold on! I do believe the pig deserves some the credit!”

He looked me straight in the face and said, “You’re right. Thank you!

Saucy frigger!

 
5 Comments

Posted by Steve at 10:25 am

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Miners Refuse To Work After Death

Oct 13 2009

funny-headlineI would think not. Time to negotiate that into the collective agreement.

I was reading my news feed from CBC today and a couple of headlines jumped out at me.

  • Man Sentenced For Abuse Of Puppies Left In Snow. I hope they let him wear his snow boots.
  • Mother Urges School and Parents to Stop Bullying. Man! Shouldn’t they be setting a better example?
  • Wrongfully Convicted Man’s Trial Delayed Two Weeks. Jeez. It’s bad enough to be railroaded, but to have to wait a fortnight knowing it’s gonna happen is just cruel!

In other news, Condom Truck Tips, Spills Load.

 
4 Comments

Posted by Steve at 12:55 pm

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