Posts Tagged ‘Near Death Situation’

He Never Knew What Hit Him

Aug 22 2009

Bumbling-beeSaturday morning. I kind of enjoy it when I’m up earlier than the others. Brew a pot of coffee, toast a couple (4) of slices of raisin bread and sit out on the back deck. There’s a gentle, warm breeze and the soothing sounds of other people working on their lawns.

I’m sitting here in my screened gazebo enjoying this little piece of heaven. One side of the gazebo is open, the screen is most useful in the evenings to keep out the moths and the mosquitoes. Enter stage left… one bumble bee the size of a small hummingbird. This thing was freakin’ HUGE! I stealthily slither toward the screen door where we have a fly swatter handy for such occasions. As I tip toe over toward the buzzing intruder he sees me. In an instant he is turned around and flying full throttle toward me. I swing the swatter and BAM! Home run! The little shagger is over at the other end of my deck, missing a leg and sporting a twisted wing and probably one hell of a headache. There he was bumbling about trying to recover and trying for all his might to sting whatever he came in contact with. Go ahead you little frigger… thrust your stinger all you want, you won’t be stinging nobody today. Squish!

 
 

Missing?

May 05 2009

exit-signNope. Just out of commission. Been pretty much down and out since last Thursday. I got some sort of a bug that insisted fluids expel themselves from my body via the nearest exit.

The details of the last few days are pretty fuzzy for me actually. I vaguely remember talking with Earl and Ralph on a big white telephone. Thank GOD for TV, remote controls and my wife’s infinite patience.

 

It’s C-C-C-Cold O-O-Outside

Jan 16 2009

Today in Moncton it will be minus 43 Celsius with the wind chill factored in. That’s minus 45 Fahrenheit!

weatherminus30

‘Nuff said.

 

Worth A Thousand Words

Sep 09 2008

Ever user-controlhave one of those days when you throw all caution to the wind and say what comes to your mind the second it comes to your mind?

Uhm… I had one of those days yesterday.

My wife was using my laptop. On that laptop, we both have user accounts, as does our 17 year old son.

Wifey: Why does your account have your picture and our son’s account has his picture, but my account has a picture of a dog?

Me: I don’t know. I was afraid to pick a picture you wouldn’t like.

Wifey: But a dog?

Me: Well, it is a female dog…

Wifey: (Cold, murderous stare that says “Why don’t you just go to bed and get a good night’s sleep… oh, and pay no mind to these rusty, blunt scissors.”)

Me: What?!? What did I say?

For some reason she was insulted.

P.S. I wrote this post on September 8 and scheduled it to be published in the future… September 9 to be specific. I’ve gotten enough feedback, verbal and written, over yesterday’s post that I feel the need to add a little editorial note to re-establish my neutrality, or indifference as the case may be, with regards to who pays the price for my smartass-ous-ness. There have been plenty of posts here and there where I was on the receiving end of a verbal jab… all in the name of humouring you, my adoring public. I will attempt to curb the collateral damage as best I can. (This rationalization comes to you courtesy of the letter “Y”, the number “12″, the warning comment from Deb, the wagged finger and scolding comments from Kym, and the confused stare from Gary.)