You might be a redneck if…

Check out the pics below. It’s amazing what some people believe suffices for safe “engineering”. These folks probably ended up at the bottom of a ravine somewhere and/or the proud recipients of a Darwin Award.

He added some heavy-duty chain for extra support on the tailgate (note that he used the “Heavy-Duty ‘S’ hooks to attach the chain). He also paid-up for some BIG 5/16 sheetmetal screws to attach the frame to the tailgate. Yeah, he knows it’s overkill, but he didn’t want the possibility of having an accident.

Much of his time was spent on his front porch whittling down that 4×4 post to fit precisely into the ball mount receiver. Also note that he used a 14″ piece of 1×4 to help distribute the load more evenly! You can’t be too safe, you know. “It cost a little more but, y’know, my yung’uns is worth every penny.”

Thanks Ed.

In the beginning, there was a plan,
And then came the assumptions,
And the assumptions were without form,
And the plan without substance,

And the darkness was upon the face of the workers,
And they spoke among themselves saying,
“It is a crock of shit and it stinks.”

And the workers went unto their Supervisors and said,
“It is a pile of dung, and we cannot live with the smell.”

And the Supervisors went unto their Managers saying,
“It is a container of excrement, and it is very strong,
Such that none may abide by it.”

And the Managers went unto their Directors saying,
“It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide by its strength.”

And the Directors spoke among themselves saying to one another,
“It contains that which aids plants growth, and it is very strong.”

And the Directors went to the Vice Presidents saying unto them,
“It promotes growth, and it is very powerful.”

And the Vice Presidents went to the President, saying unto him,
“This new plan will actively promote the growth and vigor
Of the company With very powerful effects.”

And the President looked upon the Plan
And saw that it was good,
And the Plan became Policy.

And this, my friend, is how …

Thanks Louise!

Things that are difficult to say when you’re drunk:

a) Innovative
b) Preliminary
c) Proliferation
d) Cinnamon

Things that are VERY difficult to say when you’re drunk:
a) Specificity
b) British Constitution
c) Passive-aggressive disorder
d) Transubstantiate

Things that are ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE to say when you’re drunk:
a) Thanks, but I don’t want to sleep with you.
b) Nope, no more booze for me.
c) Sorry, but you’re not really my type.
d) No kebab for me, thank you.
e) Good evening officer, isn’t it lovely out tonight?
f) I’m not interested in fighting you.
g) Oh, I just couldn’t - no one wants to hear me sing.
h) Thank you, but I won’t make any attempt to dance, I have no co-ordination. I’d hate to look like a fool.
i) Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the s treet.
j) I must be going home now as I have work in the morning.

Johnny was working at the fish plant in Newfoundland, when he accidentally cut off all ten of his fingers. He went to the emergency room in St. John’s. When he got there the doctor looked at Johnny and said “Let’s have da fingers and I’ll see what I can do.”

Johnny said, “I haven’t got da fingers.”

“What do you mean, you haven’t got da fingers?” shrieked the doctor. “Lord t’undrin Jesus it’s 2008! We’ve got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put dem back on and made you like new! Why didn’t you bring da fingers?”

(Are you ready for this?????)

Johnny says… “How da f?#k was I supposed to pick dem up??”

(Thanks Melissa!)

In these days of constant entertainment coming at you via the internet, a gazillion channels on TV, DVDs, eMail, iPod, XBox, Wii… you name it, it is rare, at least for me, to have a really good belly laugh at something where the humour of the situation wasn’t chemically enhanced.

Today was one of those rare occasions.

My niece sent me a link to a sound file that had me bust a gut. Definitely worth a listen to, folks, definitely.

Check it out here, then come back and let me know what you think.

(Thanks Melissa)

Someone out there has the same attitude toward winter as I do. However, they seem to be much more creative in their expressive abilities.

Thanks Deb!