Curling is a team sport played on ice. The Olympic medal sport originated in the 1500’s on the lakes and ponds of Northern Europe. The object of the game is for two teams of four players to slide 42-pound granite rocks down a sheet of ice 130 feet long by 15 feet wide. The rocks are delivered toward the center of a 12-foot diameter target similar to an archery target. The targets are painted into the ice just below the surface at both ends of the sheet of ice, to allow the game to be played back and forth, usually eight or ten times.

I stole the above paragraph from the introduction section of CurlTech, a curling school website because my legs are too sore to write something original. Seriously.

On Friday night, I played the game for the first time. The social committee at work organized it and we figured it might be a nice night out of the house. It wasn’t serious play, really. We played three different teams, each game was limited to 45 minutes with beer and pizza served during the night. We actually only played a total of 8 ends because time ran out. So, in total, I threw 16 rocks and did some sweeping for my teammates. I actually had a great time and thought I did half decent for my first time out.

My first time is probably my last time. When I got up on Saturday morning, I couldn’t move my legs. I have never, never been so sore. For the life of me, I don’t understand how walking back and forth the ice a few times and sliding a couple of stones around would make my upper thighs so stiff and sore I find it near impossible to descend a set of stairs or lower myself to a toilet.

Go ahead, laugh. But it ain’t funny.

I discovered today that Hillary Clinton stole (yes, stole) my signature trademark: the shy, self-conscious display of self-portraits for public consumption. I’d like to thank the J-Walk Blog for bringing this blatant theft to my attention.

But I must say… imitation is indeed the sincerest form of flattery.

Thanks Hillary. Say hi to Bill for me.

They had a blood donor clinic at work today. I tried to give, but they rejected me. I snuck out the back door, head hung low, trying to ignore the whispering from the crowd in the room. “What’s he leaving for? What’s wrong with his blood? He must be an addict or something. I heard he used to be a (very successful) male prostitute”

No, I’m not gay; and no, I don’t have a boyfriend who is. I haven’t been in jail for more than 48 hours in the last six months, I haven’t shared needles, I haven’t traded money or sex for drugs, I don’t have AIDS, syphilis or gonorrhea, and I haven’t handled monkeys or handled their body fluids at any time in my past. (They actually ask all of these questions, including the monkey one.)

But…

I have had an operation in the last six months, I did get a vaccination recently (flu shot), and I did travel outside the US and Canada in the last three years, twice.

Apparently, my trip to India was the show-stopper. Sorry, my Indian friends, but because I spent 10 days gracing your piece of the earth-pie with my presence, my blood must be filtered through my liver and kidneys or whatever for a total of 12 months before it is fit to flow through someone else’s body. I guess Malaria can sometimes take a while to show its ugly head and there is no test available for it in Canada.

So… if you’re looking for A+ blood anytime between now and the end of October 2008, I can’t help you. If you are wondering where to find a good burger in Chennai, India…. well, actually, I can’t help you there either.

Last March, I wrote a post about cleaning up dog shit in my back yard. There was so much crap out there that I didn’t know where to start. I likened it to picking blueberries. Well, I really like to illustrate my posts, so I decided that I would include a picture of blueberries. So, I went picking blueberry pictures using Google Images. I perused dozens of photos and finally chose a beautiful picture of blueberries. I completed my post and it garnished three, count ‘em, three comments. All in all, a resounding success by OMeN standards.

Or so I thought.

I got an email today from Michele Stapleton. Michele is a very talented photographer from Maine who politely informed me that I had stolen her copyrighted photo:

Hey, do me a favor, will ya? Please take my very nice copyrighted blueberry
picture off your website.

It’s bad enough that you used my copyrighted photo without permission, but to
use it to illustrate a diatribe about doggy do-do??? That’s just not cool.

Please email and let me know as soon as you’ve removed the photo.

Funny thing is that I didn’t get the photo from her site. I found it somewhere else. (Those buggers stole her photo. I simply found it for her!) When I attempted to explain the fact that I didn’t realize I was taking her copyrighted photo, she set me straight. I’m paraphrasing here, but she said my explanation simply told her that I stole it from someone who stole it from her. Same difference; stealing from a thief is still theft.

Good point, Michele. You have shown me the error in my ways.

So, I went to Google, found another photo of blueberries, downloaded it, and posted it in place of the original.

Each year, many of us resolve to make changes in our lives. We promise ourselves that this is the year we will keep our resolutions and improve our lives as a result. Too often, though, we break our promises to ourselves and let our best intentions fall victim to the bustle of everyday life. We expect too much of ourselves and as a result, we fail. Instead of resolutions, we expect revolutions. We think that we can make major changes in our lives by simply deciding to do so. Too often, it proves to be too much for us to take.

This year, I have decided to make evolutions, not resolutions. I resolve to evolve my life. I’ll make an ambitious list, but I will promise myself to take deliberate steps toward achieving them in the long term. That way, I will not have failed when I give in to temptation, or when I forget to remember my list. I will simply steer back toward the end goal, constantly adjusting my heading like navigating a boat that is influenced by the tides, the currents, the waves and the weather.

I will share my list with the world now. Keep in mind that some of the items on my list are really tasks… big, ugly “to-do” things that have been haunting me for months or years. So…. here goes nothing:

• Health: I’m currently at my highest weight ever. 230+ pounds to be vaguely precise. While the weight/height ratio charts that I have seen indicate my ideal weight to be 175 pounds, my personal goal is to break 200. I’ll do that by actually making use of the elliptical trainer that I bought 8 months ago. I’ll watch what I eat. I’ll eat more healthy foods and less fatty, sugary things. Starting Monday.
• Procrastination: I’m always putting things off. I’ve been meaning to start an exercise/diet for months now and I keep saying I’ll start on Monday, but Monday never comes. I’ll force myself not to procrastinate. Starting Monday.
• Clutter: One of the things that drives me totally crazy is clutter. I’m also the most guilty cause of this around my house. My shed, my workshop (storage room), and my desk are all VERY good examples of areas of the homestead totally under my control that are also totally out of control. This year, I vow to take steps to clean them up. I’ll throw stuff away that I forgot I had. I’ll find a place for everything and keep everything in its place. Starting Monday or Tuesday.
• Scanning photos: This is another of those big ugly to-do items I mentioned. I’ve got all of my parents’ old photo albums and all of my wife’s old photo albums that I’ve been meaning to scan, digitally enhance, organize and catalog. This has been a pet project for a couple of years and I have made some progress in spurts. Once I get that procrastination thing under control, I’ll attack this one. Starting Wednesday.
• Learning to play guitar: A few years ago, we bought our son an electric guitar for Christmas. At the same time, I got an acoustic guitar. I’ve always thought it would be cool to be able to strum a few chords, howling out an off-key tune, sitting in front of a fire on summer’s eve. So far, I’ve been able to accomplish the off-key tune, the howling, and sitting by a fire-barrel on a summer’s eve, but my past intentions of learning to play the guitar fell victim to my procrastination addiction. So, starting next week, I’ll dust off the “Learn to Play Guitar” CD’s I purchased, and finally learn how to strum a tune. Hmmm… maybe I’ll start the week after that.
• Speaking of CD’s I’ve purchased, I also bought a bunch of “Learn How to Speak French” CD’s that are sitting amongst the clutter somewhere in the house. When I find them (once I defeat my procrastination addiction and my clutter affliction), I’ll start learning how to parlez francais, eh. Non?

January 8th may seem a little late to publish a post about New Years resolutions, but I kept putting it off. I’ll have to stop doing that, starting Monday.

Hey folks… long time no see.

I’ve been doing a little renovating on the site. Nothing major but maybe interesting enough to share with you so you can regularly visit the newly exposed features. You’ll notice on the right sidebar, under the “Pages” section, that there are a couple of new links. They are Special Dates and Visitor Maps.

Special Dates replaces a monthly feature I used to have on this site. I used to list special dates (Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays etc) in a special monthly post. I’ve neglected to do so the last couple of months, and nobody complained, but I figured I’d add this feature anyway. The Special Dates page will automatically show the up-and-coming special events that I know about… check it out, and let me know if I’ve missed anyone.

Visitor Maps shows a map of the world with graphic pointers to the places from which folks have browsed on my site. One map shows a pulsing pointer for every location with someone currently browsing the site. (Usually, there is only one… yourself! But if you’re lucky, you’ll be on here coincidentally with my other reader… me!)

Also, recently I’ve added other links under the “Photo Stuff” section. The links are self-explanatory. Check them out too!

I hope y’all enjoy these new features… trying to mix things up a little with my limited programming expertise is a challenge. Let me know if it’s been worth the effort…