Last evening started like most evenings for me.  Got home from work, kissed and hugged my wife, and set about working with her to prepare our supper.  When supper is over, we normally make a some coffee and sit out on the deck.

That’s exactly what we did yesterday evening.  But… the dudes across the street had planned a show for us.  It was like a Shakespearean play.  There was conflict, laughter, tears, anguish, tragedy.

Before you continue to read, go put the kettle on.  Get yourself a cup of tea and curl up on the couch, nice and comfy.  This is a looong story.

The guy just up the street from me had this car sitting in his driveway for weeks.  It had several flat tires and didn’t start.  I guess he decided it was there long enough so last evening he set about having it removed.  Rather than hire a tow truck, he rented a U-Haul car trailer and, with the help of a friend, set about loading it up.  The trailer was one of those where the car’s two front tires are on it and the rear two remain on the ground.  They got the trailer all set up, pumped up the tires, and attempted to push it up the ramps to get the two front tires locked in the little “valley” that cradles them.  They pushed, and pushed, but could only get the car about halfway up the ramp.  So, I decided to stroll over to give them a hand.

By the time I got my shoes on and started over, the neighbour dude was gone… only the friend was there.  I asked if they needed help and he said probably not.  The other guy was gone to the garage out back to get his ATV to tow the car up onto the trailer.  When the guy came out with his ATV, he rode right past me.  Not a glance in my direction.  We’d never actually met, so I expected at least some acknowledgement that I was there.  He pulled his ATV around, got out his tow straps, spoke to his buddy, in French, about what they were doing, and proceeded to pull the car up onto the trailer.  Once it was up there, I looked at him and said, “I guess you didn’t need my help.”  He said, “No”.  That’s it.  No “Thanks” or “Kiss my arse” or nothin’.  I wandered back over to my deck thinking that I probably should have not even bothered.

Excitement over, right?  Nope…. it was just beginning.

They decided that the car wasn’t quite on the trailer like thy wanted.  I don’t know, perhaps it wasn’t up there straight enough.  They pulled the ATV around and pulled it back down off the trailer ramps.  They farted around a little, straightening up the trailer, blowing up the tires a little more and brought the ATV back around the front to pull it back up onto the trailer.  But this time, he was experienced and decided not to be so cautious.  He pulled the car up the ramp, onto the trailer, and then beyond the little cradle until the to front wheels rolled off the front of the trailer.  The car was now resting on the rocker panels with the two front wheels dangling between the trailer and the truck.

They tried to pull it back up with the ATV, but it did nothing but spin its tires on the pavement.  Then his buddy pulled his truck into the driveway to pull the car back up.  But the tires were dangling too far down and the wheels were starting to turn sideways.  Pulling too hard would simply tear the whole front end off the car.

Now they have a real problem.  I had ideas, but I wasn’t making the trip back over there only to be ignored and unappreciated again.  (I have feelings, you know!)  They stood there, scratching their heads and pacing around until they came up with a plan.  The plan consisted of workarounds resulting from things the couldn’t do.  They couldn’t pull the car back because the front tires were snagged, so they decided to jack up the car.  They couldn’t jack up the car because it was resting flat on the trailer, so they decided to jack up the trailer to block up the tires of the car.  They couldn’t jack up the trailer because it was attached to the truck, so they disconnected the tongue from the trailer hitch. 

Reminds me of the song…. There’s a hole in me bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza, there’s a hole in me bucket dear Liza, a hole.  Then fix it, dear Henry, dear Henry, then fix it.………

So… they proceed to jack up the trailer.  As they get higher and higher, they put more blocks under the tires of the car.  Once it’s high enough, they lower the trailer and voila!  The car tires are now higher than the bed of the trailer.  They push the car off the blocks and the front tires drop nicely onto the trailer.  But something is still not right.  The car is not straight enough or something.  They try to push the car back off, but it won’t move.  With the tow rope still attached to his buddy’s truck, he decides to get in his pickup and drive the trailer out from under the car.

But he forgot that he disconnected the trailer tongue from the hitch ball on his truck.  The safety chains were still connected though.

He lurched the truck forward, pulling the trailer with him as planned.  As the trailer came out from under the car, the weight of the car moved behind the axle of the trailer.  Since the hitch was no longer connected, the tongue of the trailer rose into the air and the bed of the trailer smashed into the front bumper of the car making an awful racket.  When all this happened, neighbour dude instinctively jumped on the brakes, bringing the trailer forward and smashing the tongue into his tailgate, make a very ugly scratch and a BIG dent.

“Tabernac! Fuck! Tabernac!! TABERNACCCCKKKKKKKK!!!”  Man, that was one VERY unhappy Frenchman.

They spent the next fifteen minutes loading the car up onto the trailer without incident, having learned the hard way all the mistakes that could possibly be made.  Except for some slamming doors and the odd outburst of cuss words, the show was pretty much over, an hour and a half after it started.

Just as well…  My coffee was cold and I was almost out of popcorn.