We wanted to go see it when it was in the theatres earlier this year, but we didn’t want to be packed in somewhere like sardines two rows from the front. Then it left the theatres before we realized it was gone and our chances were gone forever.

Luckily, they re-released it starting yesterday with an additional eight minutes of “never before seen” footage. We went to the 7:00 showing in a theatre that was probably only quarter full, if that.

It was amazing! I know I’m writing what you all already know, but it really was impressive. I’d been to 3-D movies before and it always seemed to me that you were looking at cardboard cut-outs placed at various depths in front of you. AND, in order to get that effect, you were constantly adjusting your glasses to avoid the red and blue shadows around everything on the screen. But not Avatar! No! The depth of field was gradual, dynamic and continuous. The movie didn’t exist to exploit some cheesy effect, the effect was an integral part of the experience. About ten minutes in I had forgotten all about the 3-D and felt like I was standing in the movie watching all this happen around me.

If you haven’t seen it yet, you simply HAVE to. It’s back. Now’s your chance!

The female blonde Mortician asks the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing. The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue suit.

She gives the blonde Mortician a blank cheque and says, “I don’t care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.”

The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.

She says to the blonde Mortician, “Whatever this cost, I am very satisfied.  You did an excellent job and I am very grateful.  How much did you spend?”

To her astonishment, the blonde Mortician presents her with the blank cheque.  “There is no charge,” she says.

“No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit.”

“Honestly, ma’am,” the blonde says, ”it cost nothing.  You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband’s size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit.  I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice . . .  SO – I just switched the heads.”

We are getting ready for a road trip soon.  Over the course of about two weeks we’ll put roughly 4000 kms on our 2008 Hyundai Santa Fe.  The vehicle was recently safety inspected and passed with flying colours.  Unfortunately, one of those colours was yellow.  Yep… the tires passed, but just barely. 

The dealer told us that the tires will soon need to be replaced.  They are right.  In fact, I was surprised that the tires didn’t fail.  The tread is getting very shallow.  So, now I want to replace the tires before my road trip.  It would suck to get this pseudo warning, ignore it, and then regret it.

I knew when I bought a vehicle with 18 inch rims that I might be in for a slightly more expensive tire when the time came to replace them.  I jumped on the Canadian Tire website to check out some prices.  They have this nice handy dandy questionnaire that helps narrow down your search.  Plug in your Year, Make, Model, Engine size, and Sub Model information and Voila! you know how much money they are going to screw you out of.

The cheapest tire they had for my vehicle was $210.  That’s each, my friends…. each.  The most expensive tire was $410.

Fourhundredandtendollarsandseventyfivecents each! 

Holy crap!  What are these tires made of?  The hooves of the Alpine Ibex culled from the 15,000 foot mark of the Swiss alps, ground and blended with extracted silk of the Golden Orb spider does increase the traction properties of the rubber used in these friggin’ tires…  It’s expensive, yes, but isn’t the safety of your family worth it?

Sigh.

But… we’ve all been there, haven’t we?  How many of you have been simply sick and tired of the bullshit and bottled it up, pushed it down, or drank it away?  “Take This Job and Shove It”, “Working for the Weekend”, “We’re Not Gonna Take It”… these and many more songs had become anthems for the average schmo longing to get off the dreadmill (<== intentional typo), speak our minds, and set the world straight.  Steven Slater did what many fantasize about doing.  He didn’t snap and climb a water tower with a rifle.  He delivered a pointed EffYou to the self-centered sumbitch that disrespected him and everyone around him because the world revolves around his whims.

In any event… Steven Slater.  Here’s your song:  (Warning… contains explicit support for Steven’s behaviour and even more explicit language in support of Steven’s behaviour.)

From CBC.ca:

“According to the New York Times, one of the 100 or so passengers on board stood up to retrieve baggage from the overhead compartment before the plane had reached a complete stop and did not heed Slater’s request to remain seated.

Slater, a career flight attendant, then approached the passenger, who continued to pull the baggage from the compartment, striking Slater on the head with it in the process.

When the passenger refused to apologize, the paper reported, Slater unleashed a string of expletives via the public-address system, deployed the inflatable evacuation chute, grabbed a beer from the beverage cart, yelled "It’s been great!" and slid down and went to his car.”

Read more: http://www.cbc.ca/world/story/2010/08/10/us-jet-blue-flight-attendant.html

Anyhooo… at the end of her article, she posts a sampling of those blogs and OhMeNerves.com ended up on that list.  I’d like to think that this wasn’t just a random sampling of the most recently updated blogs.  I prefer to think that Ms. Breen spent hours/days/weeks perusing the interwebs in search of the most interesting, well-written weblogs that will most effectively decorate and punctuate her very well written article.

That’s it.  Just trying to point you to an online presence that will point you right back to this online presence.  Try not to get dizzy.

I’m not talking about normal stuff like opening jars, changing a flat tire or reading maps.  I’m talking about my superhuman ability to deal with spiders and other insects without fear of attack, injury or death.

“Steve, STEEEEEVE!!!  Come here.  Quick!  See that there… it’s a spider.  GET it!!!”

Seriously.  She’s not just squeamish about the little critters, or just gets the heebie-jeebies when one touches her.    When a spider is anywhere near, my sweetheart’s reaction is one of genuine fear.  She jumps up from where she is, stops what she’s doing, and can focus on nothing else until the beast has been broken and his lifeless corpse is flushed out to sea.

But why would she be soooo afraid, but have no issues whatsoever sending me into the monster’s den armed with nothing but a half sheet of paper towel?  It’s not that she doesn’t love me.  And it’s not that she cares so much for her own safety that she is willing to put mine at risk.  For some reason, she believes… truly believes that the 6 or 8 legged ogre that has set up shop in the corner of the gazebo can bring harm to her, but not me.

So, when the occasional earwig, beetle, or God forbid, bumble bee invades our living space, I swoop in, cool and confident, “Stand back for your own safety, Ma’am.  I’ll take care of this.”

Battery’s not included.

There’s not exactly an abundance of subtlety in this commercial.  Just in case the viewers were too thick to get it, they ensured that the bushes would trim right as the ladies’ pelvic regions passed by the plant.

I’m surprised there wasn’t a fourth bush with ALL the leaves removed!

I mentioned this to a couple of folks at work who said this is the short version of the commercial.  So I checked YouTube and found this:

Mow the Lawn.  Wow…  More subtleties here.  Pay close attention around 54 seconds.  The young lady is carrying a hairless cat.

There should be more commercials this inventive out there!  Hilariously tacky!