If comment activity is any measure, then my posts on Uvulopalatopharyngoplasty have to be my most popular ones. There were two posts that pulled in a total of 64 comments… I first published the post almost 6 years ago, in September 2007, and my most recent comment received was only a few months ago. For a while, a Google search was showing my post on the first page. Anyways, here goes. Read on for two reruns in one post. Twice the value for you, half the effort for me!
First post, from September 7, 2007
Alex, the question is: what are the three longest freakin’ words I thought I’d never use, especially not all in the same post?
Yesterday I was the victim of a uvulopalatopharyngoplasty, also playfully known as UPPP. This, simply put, is a medical procedure for removing excess tissue from the back of the throat. About 4 or 5 years ago I started to develop a very loud, persistent snore; loud and persistent enough that I feared that some night my darling wife might decide to use my own pillow as a murder weapon against me. Apparently, while I sleep away, she lies awake contemplating and planning ways to make my death look like an accident. No, I’m not being paranoid, she has come right out and told me that while she loves me by day, she hates me by night.
So, I agreed to go see a doctor about it. After weighing several options, including wearing contraptions on my head that keep a positive air pressure in my mouth and nose, keeping a device in my mouth to push my jaw forward, separate bedrooms, death, divorce or surgery, we decided that I would brave the knife and have a hunk of flesh removed from the back of my throat. The piece of flesh is the flesh around that dangly thingy at the back of the throat. (Incidentally, this was my second favourite dangly thingy. If my first favourite starts making too much noise, I’m afraid I’ll have to choose death or divorce.) Several potential side effects include a change of my voice (more nasal), snoring that actually gets worse, trouble getting food down the right pipe, or simply going through a lot of pain and suffering for no noticeable improvement. The doctor told me that over the next three weeks my snoring will appear worse due to swelling and the true end result won’t be known until six weeks has passed.
So, for now, all I can do is drink my shooters (an elixir concocted of grape flavoured liquid Tylenol, mint flavoured codeine, and banana flavoured antibiotic). Yawn… I’m tired. I think I’ll snooze on the couch. ZZZZZZZZZZ.
Second Post, from September 24, 2007
I know you are all just dying to know how the uvulopalatopharyngoplasty worked out for me, aren’t you?
Well… they did what they had to do. They put me under general anesthetic and cut out the extra flesh in the back of my throat. (By the way, call me paranoid, but I’ll never accept an invitation for stir fry dinner at an ENT surgeon’s house.) Although my hospital stay was brief, the result was painful and uncomfortable.
Eating has been difficult to say the least. My diet during the first two weeks after my surgery consisted of liquids, cream of wheat, oatmeal, soup, noodles, ice cream and pudding. I lost almost 15 pounds. The last three of four days I’ve been venturing further and further into food that must be chewed and have been enjoying relative success. It’s still a little hard on the throat, but it’s not unbearable.
I mentioned in my previous post that my snoring would get worse for the first three weeks. Well, it did. Trust me, it did. My family thought Moncton had relocated its airport to the street behind us. For our own sanity, my wife and I had taken turns sleeping on the couch. Last Wednesday and Thursday nights, my wife mentioned that she hadn’t heard me snore, so since Friday we decided to give sleeping in the same room a go. I’m happy to report that for three nights running, I haven’t snored. Now my wife lies awake at night wondering if I’m going to snore, but that’s a whole other issue. Post traumatic stress or something.
So. I’m cured. (I hope!) I’d like to thank those of you who sent me notes, called the house, or otherwise expressed your concern over my progress over the last two weeks or so… It’s nice to know folks are thoughtful enough to check. This coming Thursday will mark three weeks since the operation and, according to the doctor, the end of the worst part of the recovery. It’s all uphill from here… or downhill, depending on which way you consider to be a good thing.
For anyone out there suffering from something similar, I recommend this procedure. It seems extreme and it is quite a difficult thing to endure, but it’s worth it.