Sam has been in business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres in Alaska as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it’s total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and there’s a big, bearded man standing there.

“Name’s Lars …Your neighbor from forty miles away….Having a birthday party Friday … Thought you might like to come over. About 5…”

“Great,” says Sam, “after six months out here I’m ready to meet some local folks. Thank you.”

As Lars is leaving, he stops. “Gotta warn you…There’s gonna be some drinkin’.”

“Not a problem… after 25 years in business, I can drink with the best of em.”

Again, as he starts to leave, Lars stops. “More’n'likely gonna be some fightin’ too.”

Sam says, “Well, I get along with people. I’ll be there. Thanks again.”

Once again Lars turns from the door. “I’ve seen some wild sex at these parties, too.”

“Now that’s really not a problem,” says Sam. “I’ve been all alone for six months! I’ll definitely be there. By the way, what should I bring?”

Lars stops in the door again and says, “Whatever you want, just gonna be the two of us”.

Just a little bit of Newfoundland heritage, circa 1986. Check it out.

Thanks Gary

A friend of mine was watching TV recently with his family when the following commercial came on.

His daughter, who is 11 or 12, asked, “What’s that commercial about? It doesn’t make any sense!”

He sat there silently trying to come up with something when she continued, “They seem to be very forgetful people. Does that drug help them remember things?”

“Yes. Yes it does.”

Perfect! Whew!

Thanks Paul!

Today in Moncton it will be minus 43 Celsius with the wind chill factored in. That’s minus 45 Fahrenheit!

‘Nuff said.

Last year, I published a list of resolutions as long as the word “resolution”. Aside from purging clutter in the storage corners of my house (resulting in creating a vacuum which simply attracts more clutter), I’ve not accomplished any of them. Having several goals in mind hoping I’d accomplish at least one of them was obviously not a very good strategy for me.

So… this year, I’m choosing one of those goals and I’m gonna give it the gusto. Since it’s already January 6th and resolutions normally start on January 1st, I think it’s futile to attempt to resolve against my procrastination issue. I think I’ll leave that until next year. (Did you get that? Procrastination… wait until next year? Funny, eh?) Obviously, I’m not giving up making stupid jokes.

Nope… this year I’m going to try to tackle my weight again. This time last year, I announced to the world my weight was 230+ pounds. Well, I’m still there. Twohundredandthirtyfourfuckingpounds to be exact. My list has been reduced to one. Perhaps now I can focus and succeed. You think?