Telemarketers. They call constantly, and usually manage to call right around suppertime or early enough on Saturday morning to interrupt a good sleeping in. Even though I’ve had a bad experience, I find it against my nature to be rude to them, but sometimes it’s downright frustrating trying to deal with them. Here’s how the typical solicitation goes when I answer the phone:

• Me: Hello.
• TM: Hello. I wonder if I may speak with Mr. Steve Meelay. (mispronounced last name)
• Me: Speaking.
• TM: Mr. Meelay, I’m calling on behalf of [blank] company. I would just like to inform you that this call may be recorded for quality assurance reasons. The reason I am calling you, sir, is to introduce you to a one-time offer only presented to our most preferred customers…
• Me: (interrupting) I’m not interested.
• TM: But, Mr. Meelay, this amazing offer is available to you at no cost for thirty days and no commitment to continue beyond thirty days. You will have a full month to enjoy benefits such as [blank], [blank], or [blank]. If after thirty days you don’t want to continue receiving this service, simply call us up and we’ll cancel your service, no questions asked.
• Me: Sounds wonderful, but I’m not interested.
• TM: Mr. Meelay. Do you own a [blank] , or do you intend to [blank] or [blank] over the next several months?
• Me: Nope… and like I said, I’m just not interested. Do you want me to hang up on you?
• TM: Thank you for your time Mr. Meelay. [blank] company values your patronage. Have a nice day.

Now… that seemed rather painless right? Wrong. Try doing that 5 or 10 times every night and pretty soon “I’m not interested” turns into “Piss off!”.

In comes our great Canadian Government to the rescue. No longer will they tolerate their citizens being verbally trespassed by the pestering persistence of these tele-solicitors. The government created a federally monitored “do not call list” or DNCL and telemarketers would be forced to abide by the wishes of those not wishing to be called. To register your number on the list, all you would have to do is call 1-866-580-3625 or visit LNNTE-DNCL.gc.ca and they would suffer no more. Wrong again!

The volume of calls and hits on the website was unanticipated. Within 9 hours, the website crashed and the phone lines were down. Only 200,000 people were able to register. (Perhaps the DNCL employees registered their own number!) Now it’s back to the drawing board. I think the DNCL should hire telemarketers to call every household in Canada asking if they want to be added to the list.

I think we might be stuck with doing what our son does. He picks up the phone and lays it down in front of his computer speakers blasting rap music.