Sep 07 2007
Uvulopalatopharyngoplasty
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Anitdisestablishmentarianism.
Alex, the question is: what are the three longest freakin’ words I thought I’d never use, especially not all in the same post?
Yesterday I was the victim of a uvulopalatopharyngoplasty, also playfully known as UPPP. This, simply put, is a medical procedure for removing excess tissue from the back of the throat. About 4 or 5 years ago I started to develop a very loud, persistent snore; loud and persistent enough that I feared that some night my darling wife might decide to use my own pillow as a murder weapon against me. Apparently, while I sleep away, she lies awake contemplating and planning ways to make my death look like an accident. No, I’m not being paranoid, she has come right out and told me that while she loves me by day, she hates me by night.
So, I agreed to go see a doctor about it. After weighing several options, including wearing contraptions on my head that keep a positive air pressure in my mouth and nose, keeping a device in my mouth to push my jaw forward, separate bedrooms, death, divorce or surgery, we decided that I would brave the knife and have a hunk of flesh removed from the back of my throat. The piece of flesh is the flesh around that dangly thingy at the back of the throat. (Incidentally, this was my second favourite dangly thingy. If my first favourite starts making too much noise, I’m afraid I’ll have to choose death or divorce.) Several potential side effects include a change of my voice (more nasal), snoring that actually gets worse, trouble getting food down the right pipe, or simply going through a lot of pain and suffering for no noticeable improvement. The doctor told me that over the next three weeks my snoring will appear worse due to swelling and the true end result won’t be known until six weeks has passed.
So, for now, all I can do is drink my shooters (an elixir concocted of grape flavoured liquid Tylenol, mint flavoured codeine, and banana flavoured antibiotic). Yawn… I’m tired. I think I’ll snooze on the couch. ZZZZZZZZZZ.
Welcome to my Web Blah... er, Blog.
September 8th, 2007 at 6:55 am
You should add a WAV sound file to this post of you pronouncing those 3 words.
Now, no cheating, is this a real word?
paraskavedekatriaphobia
September 8th, 2007 at 6:24 pm
The Doctor appears to be right about the snoring gettin’ worse , hopefully he is right that it will be no longer than 3 more weeks. Oh and by the way, he forgot to mention that you are on the couch tonight Baby…
September 9th, 2007 at 5:50 pm
Oh, my achin’ back!
September 10th, 2007 at 9:43 am
Let me know how it works. I will be packing my mate off to do the same. Hope you are feeling ok.
September 10th, 2007 at 1:14 pm
Here is hoping you feel better, and that you never again post a picture of yourself which gets that close to your tongue!
September 10th, 2007 at 2:02 pm
Nadine, be thankful I wasn’t getting vasectomy!
September 11th, 2007 at 4:33 pm
Well it would have given you an excuse to get the macro lens out!
September 11th, 2007 at 7:06 pm
Ouch!
September 12th, 2007 at 9:54 am
So how you doing bro???
Donna, if he keeps it up - just use your pillow as a buffer…. stop pressing down when the noise stops.
September 12th, 2007 at 3:12 pm
I’m doing fine sis. At least until Donna decides to take your advice! Thanks a heap!
September 13th, 2007 at 9:39 pm
I just discovered that, for some reason, a few posts from Nadine and Rekounas were marked as spam! I’ve since freed your comments folks!
Greg: I cheated, paraskavedekatriaphobia means the fear of Friday the 13th. Good word though!
Nadine: were you really on the Decorating Challenge?
September 14th, 2007 at 8:42 am
I said it before and I’ll say it again …. “Donna, you must be a Saint”! Fortunately for Steve, unfortunately for you, in order to maintain your “Sainthood” the act of murder is a no no! Although you may be benefitting the whole of mankind by reducing the levels of noise pollution you would also be inflicting upon it a great injustice as this blog would cease!!! Who would we have to make us laugh, make us cry, take out our frustrations on and generally shit all over?
Now that I think about it I still haven’t received that bottle of red wine …… may I suggest you wait until he is in a deep sleep then take your pillow and gentle place it over his face……..
Just joking Steve, drugs work much better!
Craig
September 14th, 2007 at 8:46 am
I had to read Craig’s comment twice. I couldn’t tell if he was complimenting me or coercing my wife into committing murder.
Craig… we are likely visiting this Christmas… We’ll bring the wine, you bring the Scampers.
September 14th, 2007 at 12:27 pm
Both!!!
Deal.
January 31st, 2008 at 2:24 pm
My Doctor is pushing the surgery also. I discovered this blog and noticed it suddenly stopped. If you were not smothered with the pillow what is the impression of the surgery five months later?
January 31st, 2008 at 4:30 pm
Ha! No, I was not smothered with a pillow! Actually, my wife sleeps with me again. The operation was a resounding success. I do still occasionally snore, if I’m really tired, or I’ve had a few swallies, but a nudge (or kick) from da wife stops it. Even though I know it doesn’t work for everyone, I still recommend it since it worked for me.
Good luck, John. If you do get it done, drop by and give us an update, will ya?
March 6th, 2008 at 8:09 pm
My 8 year old suffers from Pediatric Obstructive Sleep Apnea. She has had a tonsilectomy, adnoidectom and uses the CPAP machine nightly and still experiences apneas. Our doctor just ’signed her up’ for the UPPP……I’m uncertain, she’s just my baby. What are your thoughts and concerns. Thank you.
Mommy.
March 6th, 2008 at 10:04 pm
“Mommy”… in my case, I only had a mild case of apnea but a major case of “making a lot of noise”. So, it’s a little different for me. An 8 year old is still growing and there’s a lot to consider regarding a little growing body. I’m very sorry I can’t offer any advice regarding your situation. I’m just not a qualified source on the subject. Good luck to you and your precious daughter.
June 4th, 2008 at 7:32 am
Hi folks, I just had the op 2 days ago and have been pleasantly surprised how well I have been feeling. My first meal, 4 hours after returning from theatre was 2 rounds of toast!! I am a diabetic treated by insulin & was allowed home the same day at 6 pm after eating cheese sandwiches for my tea. At the moment my nasal passages seem ‘bunged up’. I had tonsilectomy & adenoidectomy at 26 & am now 48 - hoping this will eventually cure my horrible snoring!!
June 4th, 2008 at 10:13 am
Well, Elaine! Good for you! Good luck… drop back and let us know if it works…
July 1st, 2008 at 3:54 pm
Hi again - not sure if I’m completely cured of the horrible snoring as I’ve have been told by my family that I still make strange noises. At least I’ve not suffered any problems and am pleased to report that I can actually breath better through my nose these days. Maybe it’s still early days….. though no doubt the ENT specialist will expect an update too when I see him in August.