Archive for March, 2007

He’s Got The Whole World In His Hands

Mar 30 2007

He’s got the whole wide world in his hands. He’s got you and me brother, in his hands. He’s got the whole world in his hands.

Stats LinkI subscribe to a tracking service that gives me information regarding the last 100 hits to my site. You can check it out anytime by clicking on the word “visitors” at the bottom of my sidebar. This is the most interesting “hit” page I’ve seen for my blog to date. I’ve seen hits come from many places in the world, but his particular image has the most varied of any single time I’ve seen it. There’s hits from Iqaluit, Canada to Sydney, Australia.

Greatest Hits!

To date, I’ve seen hits on my site from (in order of quantity)

Canada, United States, United Kingdom, Germany, Australia, Japan, Taiwan, Hong Kong, Turkey, Norway, Ireland, United Arab Emirates, Barbados, Netherlands, Portugal, Latvia, Switzerland, Singapore, Indonesia, Korea, Spain, Israel, Mexico, Benin, Sweden, France, Philippines, Iran, Greece, and Belgium.

 
4 Comments

Posted by Steve at 5:19 pm, Mar 30, 2007

 

What’s The Matta? Gotta Hava Java!

Mar 29 2007

Sometimes you see and hear things that you just wouldn't believe if you hadn't seen or heard them with yCoffee Drinkerour own eyes and ears. I went to the washroom today at work and this guy came in as I was stepping away from the urinal. I went to the sink to wash my hands and when I turned around the guy was standing at the urinal, pissing, and was drinking coffee. Now, I don't mean he had a coffee cup rested on the urinal (that would be disgusting enough) but he had the cup one of his hands actually drinking out of it. Pouring it in while he was pissing it out… Huh? Is he a very diligent time manager? Did he NEED a coffee, but had reached the point of saturation?

 
5 Comments

Posted by Steve at 5:12 pm, Mar 29, 2007

 

Penny For Your Thoughts (But Not Your Pocket)

Mar 27 2007

There’s been some debate recently whether the penny stills has a place in monetary transactions today. canada_penny.jpg

People complain that they are useless, you can’t buy anything with them, they cost too much to manufacture. Their value is practically worthless. You can’t even buy a candy with a penny anymore. But… intentionally omit giving someone their pennies in their coffee change and they get pissed off, I can guarantee you. A Tim’s coffee comes to $1.24 and change from a toonie is 76 cents. Not 75 cents. 76. You wanna tick someone off, keep that penny.

I don’t place much value in pennies. My litmus test for the value of a coin is whether or not I would bend to pick one up off the ground. Depending on the situation or social scenario, I might pass over a nickel or a dime, rarely a quarter, and almost never a loonie or toonie. However, I can honestly say that I would never creak my spinal cord for the sake of a penny.

This doesn’t mean, however, that I don’t care about pennies, or the value they represent. Removing pennies from circulation would effectively increase the cost of everything we buy. My paranoid mind tells me that every price would be rounded up to the nearest nickel, not down. The pennies add up. Not just for corporate profit, but for social benefit. Many charities count on the value of the collected penny to support their causes.

… not to mention the figures of speech we would have to change. A penny for your thoughts, penny wise and pound foolish, in for a penny in for a pound, in like a penny out like a lamb, lucky penny, a penny saved is a penny earned, why did the penny cross the road, pennies from heaven, two pennies to rub together, happier than a pig in pennies, lucky penny, penny lane, that costs a pretty penny, penny loafers, turn an honest penny, not one red cent, and hey mister can you spare a penny. These phrases make absolutely no sense when penny is replaced with nickel. Uhm… well… maybe some of them do.

My two cents… what do you think?

 
5 Comments

Posted by Steve at 12:13 am, Mar 27, 2007

 

Five Gallons of Shit

Mar 24 2007

Aaahhh, Spring. dogshit.jpgMy favourite time of the year. It’s the time of year when a young man’s fancy turns to romance and a young woman’s heart is a-flutter with anticipation of her husband cleaning up a winter’s worth of dogshit in the backyard.

I’ve never seen so much shit in one place. Well, not really… I’ve been around farms and stuff, but I cleaned up five gallons of shit today that was produced all winter by my Blueberries15 pound dog, Meeka. Shovel after shovel load. It was so plentiful that I could see dog dung when I closed my eyes. Anyone who’s ever gone blueberry picking would know what I’m talking about. After spending a couple of hours blueberry picking, all you can see is blueberries. Close your eyes, you see blueberries. Go to sleep, you dream about blueberries. When you are picking them, you don’t know where to start. Well, that’s the way the shit was today. Little tootsie rolls all over the back yard. But, trust me… they don’t taste like tootsie rolls. I’ll never make that mistake again.2003-02-16-083.jpg

I once had a veterinarian tell me that I should switch my dog over to soft, canned food instead of feeding her the dry Dog Chow that we feed her. I explained to the vet that with the dry stuff, her poops are easy to clean up. They come out in little tootsie rolls that pick up quite easily. The vet then kindly explained to me that it may not be so easy or comfortable for the dog though… Well, I assured the vet that as soon as my darling puppy met me half way, and started helping me clean up her crap, I’d be more than happy to reciprocate with food easier on her exit shute. She knows the deal, the ball’s in her court.

Update: I had to update this post with a different picture of blueberries. The original was copyrighted and its owner asked me to remove it.

 
3 Comments

Posted by Steve at 11:55 pm, Mar 24, 2007

 

Scary Screensaver

Mar 22 2007

So. Here’s the scenario. I am at work, talking with with one of my peers whom I happen to supervise. We are having a fairly serious conversation when the screensaver on my computer kicks in. I have most of my personal photos on my computer and my screensaver is a random display of these photos. Each photo appears on the screen for about 3 seconds.

Self Portrait This photo pops on the screen. I try my best to make sure that I am speaking and NOT looking at the screen. I have one eye on the screen, and one eye on the person in the room making sure HER eyes are NOT on the screen. It was a LOOONG 3 seconds. When the photo finally disappeared, she calmly, without cracking a smile, said “I saw that.”

Shit.

Even though it was at my expense, I could see the humour in this self-inflicted awkward situation. I smirked and squirmed a little… Apparently noticing my embarrassment, she said, “I think it’s cool that you are self-confident enough to take pictures like that.”

Yeah… that’s it… Self-confident.

 
7 Comments

Posted by Steve at 10:55 pm, Mar 22, 2007

 

Living Will – Be Careful What You Ask For

Mar 19 2007

Forgive me readers for I have sinned. It has been eight days since my last post. For my penance, here’s a Monday funny.

Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, “I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependant on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just cut off the fluid supply and pull the plug.”

She got up, unplugged the TV and then threw out my beer.

(Thanks Cindy.)

 
4 Comments

Posted by Steve at 1:17 pm, Mar 19, 2007

 
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