“Ben, you are manure”

“Cross-cut saw?”

“Sausage bun.”

I’ve been living in New Brunswick for 10 years. One would say that I might have had plenty opportunity to learn the French language better than I have. I wish I had spent more energy over the years learning the language. I’ve taken a couple of courses, and I’ve purchased DVDs yet, I’m no closer than I was when I graduated high school. I’m hoping that someday when I see two Frenchmen meet, I don’t think that they are talking about fertilizer, woodworking tools and breakfast sandwiches.

“Bonjour Messieur”

“Comment ca va?”

“Ca, c’est bien.”

What does a dyslexic, agnostic insomniac do? He lies awake all night, wondering if there’s a dog.

In the good old days, the media was cautious about putting forth anti-Christian views. Illustrated Magazine commissioned Bertrand Russell back in the 1950’s to write an article debating the existence of God, but they never the put the article, Is There a God? to print. In that article, Russell compared religious teachings as having similar foundations to a claim that a teapot is orbiting the sun. Simply because it cannot be proven wrong, doesn’t make it true or add any credibility to its claim. Russell’s teapot refutes the general tendency to leave the burdon of proof on the skeptic, rather than the faithful.

But… James Cameron has discovered Jesus! And he doesn’t mind telling the world! Apparently, after he sunk Jack into the ocean behind the Titanic, he found a tomb that contains several people who share names with THE biblical family. Jesus, Maria, Mariamene (Mary Magdalene), Joseph, Mathew and Judah. Judah is apparently the son of Jesus and Mary Magdalene. (I knew Dan Brown was wrong!) Cameron, along with his director Simcha Jacobavici are claiming that they have had DNA experts prove that the bones discovered in a crypt just outside Jerusalem in 1980 are those of the holy family. I’m not sure what they compared the DNA evidence to in order to draw this conclusion… maybe the Shroud of Turin or Monica’s dress.

Along with this DNA “evidence”, they have statistical probabilities stacking in their favour. Apparently, there is a 2,000,000 to 1 probability of this cluster of names being in one family unit, despite the relatively high probability of each name occurring independently of the others.

Cameron and Jacobavici claim that they are simply providing a public service. Even if the probability was 2 to 1 that this was Jesus and his family they would feel obligated to bring forth the story to the people. I’m sure the several million dollar paycheck had nothing to do with it.

Needless to say, however, the Christian religions are balking at this new found “evidence” of Jesus’s mere mortal status. They haven’t been this upset since the Da Vinci Code theorized similarly that Jesus and Mary Magdalene were married and had at least one child.

Regardless of how ridiculous it may sound that they are able to draw such conclusions, the documentary will air on March 4 on the Discovery channel. Watch it and judge for yourself.

Check this out!  Some old school (or simply black and white) billiards showmanship.

Happy Birthday Zachary!!

Every year when we go back to Newfoundland to visit, we get an overhead picture of Zachary. I don’t know why or how it started… I think I took a picture like that of him once and it came out really good. This is the most recent one like this that I took, but Zachary was trying to hide his toothless smile! I actually have a more recent pic from this angle (from Christmastime) but there’s a bowl of soup in the pic.

Anyhoooo… Happy Birthday, dude!

(P.S. Zachary: how old are you?)

Happy Birthday, Ron!

Don’t be sad, you’re only 47. Well… ok, you can be a little bit sad.

Have a good one.

Do you need a leaky roof repaired? Well then, I’m your guy!

I’ve been suffering with pains in my side for a couple of weeks now. The pain is sharp at times, feeling like it is going all the way through. The skin in the entire area is tender to the touch. In essence, it feels like a burn and a bruise all rolled up into one. Many folks around me told me that I probably had issues with my gall bladder. I finally caved in and went to the doctor.

The doctor told me I have shingles. Until now, I had no idea what shingles were, other than being roofing material installed in an overlapping manner. Medically speaking, I ranked shingles up there with the piles. I didn’t quite know what it was, but it sounded unpleasant, embarrassing and like something I didn’t want. But now I know a lot about shingles. Shingles is a nerve infection caused by the chicken pox virus, characterized by painful blisters on the skin. (Piles, by the way, are hemorrhoids, perhaps a topic for another post someday.) I’ve learned that you can only catch shingles if you have already had chicken pox. The chicken pox virus is with you permanently, waiting for your immune system to weaken and allow it to come back out as shingles. You cannot pass shingles along to someone else, however, you can give chicken pox to someone who hasn’t already had them. I have to stay away from pregnant women and young children. (There goes my social life!)

I’ve heard horror stories about shingles. How raw and painful they can get and how long they take to heal. One co-worker told me that a bed sheet, or a breeze coming in the window felt like fresh road-rash with iodine poured on. Oh shit… what am I in for? So far, fingers crossed, the pain is there, but not unbearable. Kind of like the ticking of a clock, you know? If you think about it, it will drive you nuts with its constant presence. If you can take your mind off of it, it’s there, but you don’t really notice it.

I was kidding about the leaky roof. I’m really not the guy to do that. You will at least have to supply your own shingles.