Thanks Cindy!
Archive for January, 2007
The Amazing Fish ‘n Flush!
Jan
19
2007
Ladies and
gentlemen! Step right up! Here I present to you the world renowned, the one, the only Fish ‘n Flush!
Yes. You heard it here first. This product, presented by Aqua One Technologies. Why, you ask? Well, according to their website, you would want one of these to maximize space, for entertainment and for excitement! Hmmmm… does it hold goldfish or mermaids?
I tell you what… YOU buy one and let me know if you feel entertained and excited about all the space you’ve saved!
What’s next? A shotgun shell that seasons the meat when you kill it?
Psychic Encounters
Jan
16
2007
Strange coincidences and psychic predictions inevitably stir up colourful conversations around m
y house.
My wife and sister-in-law were talking over the weekend about their psychic visits and which psychics are “good” and which are not. They both have visited psychics and recount with entertained awe the predictions that have come true. “A light haired woman, associated with a man in your life, will have someone close to them suffer a life-threatening illness within three (days, months, or years).” Vague predictions like these are bound to come true. With enough vague predictions bantered about in a $20 session, the ones that can be interpreted later as having been fulfilled are remembered and the others are discounted or forgotten. Can you sense that I’m a skeptic?
My wife even convinced me to go to a psychic on one occasion. My own vision of the future came true. I predicted that I would waste a twenty dollar bill. 
Actually, the psychic (some gay guy, I don’t remember his name) told me that I would have some legal battles over a vehicle incident in a parking lot and also indicated some legal struggles regarding my son. Both these things did kind of come true, but as I said, there are many other things he said that I either don’t remember or have never come to realization. (I’m a hard nut to crack, eh?)
I never did understand completely the usefulness of a psychic that couldn’t tell you the lottery numbers. So what if they tell you that you will “travel over water” or “some dark haired person in your life will have a baby in the next 2 years”. What’s funny though, is that one of the psychics my wife has seen, Shelley Stokes, is associated with locating the bodies of a couple missing in St. John’s since 1993! Now, that’s eerie.
I predict smugness directed my way within two (minutes of my wife reading this)!
Planes, Strains, and Automobiles
Jan
04
2007
Moron! Not you. Me.
If you told me you missed your flight to your hometown, on Christmas Eve, that’s what I’d call you.
My wife and son went to Newfoundland on Tuesday Dec 19 and I was following on Christmas Eve. Since we got the flights booked (using airline points) back in April, I had the impression that I was flying at 9:30 pm. So here I am, on Christmas Eve, leisurely watching TV, cruising the interweb, passing time… I decided at 6:45 pm to find my itinerary in my inbox and print it to have for my flight. THAT’S when I discovered that my flight was departing at 6:45 pm.
Oh shit. I can’t describe the horror, the gut-wrenching feeling that I had. I just arsed up Christmas for me and my whole family.
I called Air Canada and begged them to tell me my flight was delayed, or even that my itinerary was somehow misprinted. No such luck. The flight left on time, and there were no other flights leaving that evening.
I was very fortunate that the VERY helpful lady allowed me to catch my connecting flight out of Halifax. I jumped in my car and drove 2 hours to Halifax in time to make that flight. On top of the several years I just took off my life (from the strain on my heart), and the two hours drive each way, I was going to get dinged for parking for 10 days at Halifax airport. Oh well, at that point I would have paid a thousand dollars to get there.
Oh me nerves! Anyone else out there do anything as moronic as this? Or am I a solitary idiot?
